Sunday, April 10, 2011

Feeling blessed to be a mama!

This weekend was Rosie's 2nd birthday party. What a big day she had! She stuffed herself with cake and bounced until she dropped, which was followed by a giant PUKE this morning -- partied a bit too hard, perhaps. I know that I often have a lot going on in my head and worries that keep me a bit preoccupied, which is something that I'm really working on, but spending the past few days just really trying to be in the moment and reflect on what life means for me, I just keep returning to the same thought: I am just so grateful to be a mom. I won't lie, I've lead a relatively sheltered life, a great deal of which was by my own choosing (and that's another thing that I'm slowly trying to branch away from). I did have a period in my mid to late 20s where I got to do quite a bit of travelling, and for that I'm also very thankful, but overall, I've lived a lot of my life in a kind of bubble -- one that I fashioned myself for a lot of different reasons. I avoided a lot of living and instilled some unhealthy habits in myself that have proven very tough to break, but I never stop trying. I just never felt that I had found that person that I was meant for until I met my husband. I had constructed a safe life and convinced myself that I was happy that way and it was what I wanted -- then, I met Patrick... and my universe just exploded with love! I already loved him and Blaine (his son from a previous marriage) more than I ever thought it possible to love another person, and then when Rosie came along, that love grew exponentially. I feel like I have finally found where I'm meant to be. I love being a wife and mother, and I feel like I can take a bit of pride in that. I'm so very grateful to have a husband who loves me just as I am, while still challenging me to think and stretch beyond what I have always seen as my limitations. And as for the kids, well they just make me want to be the best me that I can possibly be. I want to continue learning and growing so that I can be an example for them to never settle or get comfortable enough to let life put you in a box. It's not always comfortable to confront the world head-on, but you'll never truly experience it otherwise. Here I'm 37 years old, and I feel like a kid just trying to soak up information and experience. So thank you Pat, Blaine and especially my sweet Rosie, for making me want to be better, for making me want to keep trying to conquer my fears and learn who I am every day. I honestly don't know who I would be or if I would like that person nearly as much as the person I am now becoming, due in no small part to all of you. I'm counting myself among the lucky ones today.

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